NJ.com: Julie Roginsky | Men must call out men for misogyny
For over a decade, I served on the board of an organization dedicated to ensuring that more women work in politics. As part of my duties, I spoke each year before a group of highly motivated, ambitious women, whose goal was to climb the political ladder. After my talk, the women would share their personal experiences and then, inevitably, at least one woman – feeling that she was among the sisterhood – would recount a story about her treatment by men in politics that would never have happened to a man.
Once, after one such story, the woman telling it began to cry. And I, standing at the podium, did my best not to roll my eyes and tell her that there is no crying in politics, that the best way to get ahead in this business is to suck it up and just move forward. I believed this for 20 years. And for 20 years, I was wrong.
I was reminded of this when Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took to the well of the House of Representatives recently to denounce Rep. Ted Yoho for his unprovoked decision to call her a “f**king b*tch.” Unfortunately for Yoho, a member of the press had overheard his tirade.
Ocasio-Cortez, a millennial Latina who had refused to patiently wait her turn to ascend the political ladder when she defeated a 20-year incumbent to win a congressional seat two years ago, was not willing to just suck it up. Instead, she powerfully and forthrightly castigated Yoho for calling her “disgusting,” “crazy” and “out of [her] mind” and reminded her male colleagues that being a husband and father of daughters was by no means a prophylactic against misogyny.
Women viscerally understood what Yoho’s words meant to convey. Yet another powerful white man had launched a misogynistic attack on a woman for no reason whatsoever. It was not enough for Yoho to use gender-neutral profanity. The old canard about her being mentally insane was, of course, of a piece with similar epithets being directed at women who dare to call out entrenched men for their misogyny. These women, we are told, have “lost their way.” Rather than looking the other way when subjected to abusive behavior, they are taking to the media or the well of the House. It is precisely the women’s refusal to shut up while these men are exercising their inalienable right to misogynistic abuse that makes them “disgusting.”
Yoho’s actions would have been bad enough had they occurred in a vacuum. But it was the reaction to Yoho’s outburst that renders this situation a master class in male toxicity. House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy promptly castigated Ocasio-Cortez for failing to accept Yoho’s “apology” – which was, of course, disingenuous and coerced. “I watched that Congressman Yoho went to the floor — apologized not once, but twice to the congresswoman from New York,” McCarthy huffed. “I watched the Majority Leader of the House accept his apology.”
In McCarthy’s telling, there was obvious merit to Yoho’s original claim that Ocasio-Cortez is unhinged. After all, the House majority leader, yet another white male septuagenarian, had apparently looked into the incident and had accepted Yoho’s apology. Left unsaid was that the House majority leader was in no position to accept Yoho’s apology because he had not been the target of his vitriol.
Until leaders actually penalize men who engage in misogynistic rhetoric toward women, Ocasio-Cortez’s brave words will not have real, practical impact. Notably, her speech has been applauded by millions but it has not led to a real call for action or for real consequences. Yoho could have been censored by the House. He could have been stripped of his committee assignments. He could have been otherwise penalized by the House Republican Conference if only to demonstrate that the Republican Party would not stand for such treatment of women.
But, of course, none of that happened. It was Ocasio-Cortez who was forced to go to the House floor to explain why Yoho's behavior was unacceptable. It was Ocasio-Cortez who had to refute charges by powerful men that she was unreasonable because she would not suck it up and accept a tepid non-apology, done under duress, without a shred of real remorse. It was Ocasio-Cortez who had to act as the conscience for the House of Representatives on behalf of all women in the workplace. None of her male colleagues were inclined to join a call for action after her speech.
Every single day, women much less powerful than a sitting member of Congress are subjected to abusive, misogynistic language at work. If they are lucky, they have the freedom from confidentiality agreements to bring public attention to this behavior. Yet even then, powerful men band together to protect their own by blaming the woman – the victim – for refusing to keep quiet about the abuse. Too often, the woman is sidelined. The misogynist is protected by his fellows and their enablers.
If men are serious about treating women equally – if they are serious about the harm this behavior inflicts on their oft-mentioned wives and daughters – they will not only stow the gender-based rhetoric but impose real penalties on those who won’t.
Every woman, from a congresswoman to a seasonal migrant worker, deserves to be treated with respect. The happy talk is empty if men in power don’t rid themselves of toxic colleagues and make it crystal clear, through tangible action that it is not the woman standing up for herself who has lost her way but the man who calls her “disgusting, “crazy” and worse.
Julie Roginsky is a political consultant and a co-founder of Lift Our Voices, a national organization dedicated to eradicating non-disclosure agreements for toxic work issues.
BY JULIE ROGINSKY
NJ.COM - MAR 02, 2022